March 10, 2012
“Why We Really Celebrate Columbus Day?“
To make our children feel better about the man who found America—Well if you think about it, the Vikings did find America first, so technically…we celebrate Columbus day to make Europe feel better about themselves. Specifically Italy and Spain, because we both know they’d never really accomplished much. Historically, that is.
Feburary 5, 2012
“What did you do this weekend?”
This is a trick question. Everybody relaxes over the weekend, that’s why its called ‘the weekend’ because nobody works. BUT, here’s the tricky part, if a woman asks you this question, you must reply in full-length paragraphs with proper grammatical execution. If a man asks you this question, you are only allowed to respond with the words: ‘good’ ‘fine’ ‘average’ ‘epic’ or ‘decent.’ Small talk, no more than five words per sentience. Two–if its on a Monday morning.
January 6, 2012
“You have no where to go, but up”
Last time I checked, ‘up’ isn’t really the only option. You can be shoved to the left, nagged to the right, or worst…pushed down to work in HR believing that you were ‘promoted.’
December 16, 2011
“Reason #15 of why I love my girlfriend… When I sing in the shower she joins in singing in the kitchen. Haha.”
Although this is cute and fun in so many ways, you have wonder…WHAT WAS THE SONG THEY SANG? Because you know for a fact that if they were singing to “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” by Drowning Pool, it wouldn’t be as cute or as funny anymore. Especially if you are the tenant living next door.
November 27, 2011
“Three People: A freakishly deep-thinker, yourself, and someone who only talks about knitting.”
Groups are a pain-in-the-ass to deal with. No matter which profession you’re in. So here’s what you do:
1) Give them what they want. Example: Give the deep-thinker a notebook, and the yarn-lady her yarn.
2) Attempt to complete the project.
3) When you become stressed-out due to the workload, complain to your boss. Your boss will then fire your co-workers due to their distraction and you will receive a raise/promotion for the amount of work you put in.
October 20, 2011
“Avoid Any To All Human Interaction By Wearing Ray-Bans.”
Ray-Bans automatically turn you invisible. Side-Effects include: Turning into a hipster. Listening to local bands. Becoming vegan. Watching cancelled television shows.
September 14, 2011
“Anybody Can Go Into Marketing.”
People commonly confuse Advertising with Marketing–lets face it, A LOT OF THEM DO. Who’s to blame them, the two go hand-in-hand. Lets get this clear though: Marketing is moreover ‘the plan’ whereas Advertising is ‘the execution.’ Think of it as a bank heist: Many people PLAN to rob a bank, but not many EXECUTE it. Hence the whole anybody can go into Marketing phrase.
**If you have any Words/Wisdom please feel free to post them onto the comment box bellow.**
**If it’s in asterisks it must be important.